


Live What You Know

by Sethrine



Series: Without Humanity, We Are Lost [2]
Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Angst, BAMF Daryl, BAMF Reader, F/M, Happy Reader, Protective Rick, Survival, Survival Horror, Things go bad, Trust, Trust Issues, Unfortunate Situations, learning new things
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-13
Updated: 2015-02-28
Packaged: 2018-03-12 04:31:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3343760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sethrine/pseuds/Sethrine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"<i>Live what you know, and the rest will follow.</i> My sister used to say that, but I never understood what she meant, not until this world fell apart.</p>
<p>You live the way you know how, survive with what you have, with what skills you've acquired along the way, and the longer you go on, the more you learn and adapt. The rest will follow."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Adapt, survive, and know that serenity is nothing but an illusion.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. This Is What You Do To Live

**Author's Note:**

> Hello all! Welcome to the second installment to  Without Humanity, We Are Lost. Yes, been awhile since I've had anything to do with TWD stuff, but I finally got on the ball with this one after months of having it in my Writer.
> 
> This takes place about a month before the start of season four. I plan on three chapters before moving to the next installment, but we'll see how this one goes.
> 
> On the plus side, at least I'm getting something up. Hope it's to your liking!

Two months in, and you couldn't have felt any more at home in the prison. 

Everyone had a place he or she fit best, a purpose of some sort that made life just a little bit easier to live. There were those who cooked, those who cleaned, those who tended to the garden, and those that helped watch the few children that were living as close to normal lives as possible. Then there was the tougher, more agile group, the ones who went out and scavenged or cleaned out the line of walkers around the fence. No one was left out, and everyone worked as a unit to provide a little piece of sanctuary in a world gone to hell. 

Your purpose in the group still wasn't clear yet, but you were doing everything you could to earn your keep and learned anything you could about whatever needed to be done inside the prison. If anyone needed help with anything, you were usually one of the first to offer assistance. 

At the moment, you found yourself making silly faces and noises at a fussy Judith as you shook up a bottle of formula. Beth had been called to help outside with something or other, and with Carol entertaining the kids and everyone else seemingly busy, you were more than happy to watch Judith for a while, even if her feeding had been thrown off by about an hour. 

"Alright, you sweet little fuss bucket, here we go," you said with a smile as you repositioned Judith in the crook of your other arm and placed the bottle at her mouth. She instantly latched on and began sucking down the formula almost greedily. She really was hungry. 

"Hey, (Y/N)!" 

You looked up at the sound of your name to find Carl coming up the stairs to the second floor. You smiled in welcoming, happy to see your gesture returned without a second thought. 

"Hey, haven't seen you all morning. What's up?" 

"Dad sent me in to get you." 

Your stomach practically flipped at the mention of Rick. 

"Oh, well, did he say what he wanted?" 

"No, but he was talking to Daryl right before I left. I think it might be about the next trip outside the gates." 

Oh, but weren't you suddenly excited! You had been asking for a chance to go out on a scavenging mission, but Rick, Daryl, and a few others from the group you deemed as "The Council" had seemed reluctant to let you. Their reasoning was for your safety and the safety of others as well as finding what you were good at inside the prison. But maybe, just maybe, today would be the day that you could prove your worth in the line of danger. 

"Alright, I'll follow you out, just as soon as Judith finishes her bottle." 

"That's cool," Carl said with a laugh to his words, smiling momentarily at his sister steadily sucking down formula before sitting on the top step in waiting. As Judith fed, Carl easily made small talk about random things, things about the camp and what he had overheard so-and-so say. 

You reflected momentarily on your relationship with Carl and how quickly you had taken to him. He was a bit distant at times, but he seemed to like your company more than most around the prison. He had been the first person to greet you and Rick once he had ushered you through the double fencing. 

Since the start of the apocalypse, Carl had been the first kid you had seen that wasn't dead and trying to rip you limb from limb. In your eyes, he had seemed healthy, stable, everything normal in the hell you had lived through. He was _hope_ , hope for the future and hope for the survival of what was left of the human race, something you had only dreamed to ever see again. 

You were so overcome with such intense joy at that time that you had hardly realized you were no longer standing, instead having dropped to your knees and crying all over again. Your reaction had startled both Carl and Rick, but you were quick to ease their worries. 

"I'm okay, I'm okay," you had said with a smile and a laugh to your shaking words, "I just...I didn't expect...how happy I would be to see people again." 

Even now, your words held true. You had never been so happy to see so many people in one area before, living so harmoniously despite the world's new hardships. When you were given a task to do, you did it with precision and vigor. You had told yourself then that you would do anything they asked, anything, so long as they continued to _live_. 

"Why are you doing that?" Carl asked as Judith finished up her meal and was burped. You made to put the empty bottle away, making a mental note to come back and clean it out after your talk with the others. 

"What am I doing?" 

"Smiling," he tossed back, giving you another look as he stood and began leading the way to the garden. "You smile a lot. You've been doing it since I found you upstairs; you do it more than anyone I've seen around here." 

"Well, I guess I have a lot of things to be happy about." 

"Like what?" 

You pondered for a moment what you would say, thinking back a moment to life before and after the apocalypse. 

"Before your dad found me, I was on my own. It had been three months since I had seen a living being, three months of lonliness and non-stop moving, but it was all I knew. It was all I had, and I had never felt so dead inside. I might as well have been a Walker." 

You shifted Judith in your arms carefully so as not to disturb her full tummy, placing her more against your side for better leverage and a more comfortable walk. 

"Seeing this place with all these people, everyone living semi-normal lives...it's more than I could have ever hoped to see again, let alone be a part of. It makes me so happy to be surrounded by all these people; I've made friends, I've gained a new family, and I've learned so many new things. That's why I smile, because now, I have a reason to." 

Carl seemed placated by your answer. He even sent a smile your way for no particular reason other than he could as you both made your way out into the prison yard. He was young, but he was very perceptive, and you loved the kid to death. 

As you both passed through the yard, you could see Rick talking with both Daryl and Hershel out by the garden, a few others passing here and there to do whatever tasks needed to be done for the day. Rick looked up from his conversation as you neared, easily catching your eye in the last few steps toward the casually conversing trio. Hershel and Daryl turned their eyes toward you and Carl soon after. 

"Hey," you greeted with a nod, eyeing everyone briefly before your gaze settled on the ex-sheriff. "You needed to see me, Rick?" 

Rick gave his own nod of confirmation before turning his gaze on his son. 

"Why don't you take Judith for a minute while we talk?" 

Carl looked about ready to protest, obviously wanting to be in on whatever was about to conspire, but he relented last-second and reached for Judith. You passed the baby off to her big brother with ease, and with a final look to his father, Carl walked off, cooing quietly to his momentarily fussy sister. 

"So...am I in trouble?" you questioned almost jokingly as you eyed the three men before you. 

Hershel smiled warmly at you, and you were instantly put at ease. 

"Well, I should hope not, otherwise sending you out might seem more like a punishment than an answered request." 

"So you're actually sending me out?" you asked as you looked to Rick, this time more surprised than anything. He looked almost hesitant to answer. 

"Daryl thinks you'll be helpful on this trip out. You're very cautious, quiet and light on your feet. Think of it as a trial run." 

You couldn't help the grin that found its way to your lips. Finally, you were being trusted to go out and help in a much bigger way. 

You could do this...you could _do this_. 

"When do we leave?" 

"Early tomorrow mornin'," Daryl answered, "so get any supplies you're gonna need together tonight. Think you can handle it?" 

"I can handle it. I've been ready, more than ready," you answered with an excited smile in place. You were practically bouncing on your feet, you were so giddy to be doing something _more_ for the group. 

"It's not often we get someone so thrilled to go out on a scavenging mission," Hershel spoke up, both amused at your excitement as well as worried how you would fare in the trial run tomorrow. 

"I'm just happy to help wherever I can," you stated honestly. "If you wanted me to stay here, then I would. I've got it pretty much figured out, where my talents lie inside the fences. But going out for supplies, re-learning to hunt, that's different. I can do that better. It's what I know, what I was good at doing before...this." 

You turned to look at Rick, who seemed to be studying you as you talked. He did that often whenever you conversed, almost as if he was trying to figure you out. You couldn't blame him; from some of the stories you'd heard from others around the prison, trust was a hard thing to come by, so knowing who you're dealing with would be the best advantage to have. 

"You're right. I'm very quiet, light on my feet and extremely quick where necessary. Good reflexes, to boot. Scavenging is what I know best in this new world, so I promise you guys, you won't regret sending me out." 

_Trust me, Rick. I can prove my worth for the long haul, you just have to let me try. I'll earn your full trust._

There was a moment where Rick continued to stare you down, assessing you for what felt like the umpteenth time. Hershel glanced between you both with calculating eyes before speaking up. 

"We can use all the help we can get around here, both inside and outside the fence. With as flexible as your capabilities are, I've no doubt you'll do just fine." 

"Thank you, Hershel," you said with a grin, taking that as your dismissal. 

You turned to leave, looking back at the trio one more time before going on your way to catch up with Carl and Judith. In that glance back, you had locked eyes with Rick for just a brief moment. He gave a single nod of his head in your direction before you turned away once more, an affirmation to your hopeful thoughts. 

_I know you will._


	2. This Is What You Do To Progress

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not gonna lie, that ending was a real bitch to get together....

The sun hadn't quite touched over the horizon, just barely dusting the sky in a smokey blue with its impending rise into dawn. It was almost too dark to see properly, but you were becoming accustomed to these early rises and knew how to adjust yourself accordingly. 

The forested area surrounding you seemed relatively empty, save for the signs of foraging animals that had made their rounds previous to your arrival. Scattered about, there were upturned leaves along the forest floor as well as trails of animal tracks denting the soft earth, one set leading you in the direction of a gentle doe grazing in the distance. 

You were careful not to make a sound as you approached with a slight crouch, aware of every step you made before you. One wrong move or a too-quick motion would mean an early end to your hunt. 

As you neared a reasonable distance behind your target, a hidden twig snapped from under your careful footfall, and you froze almost immediately. The doe's head shot up a moment, her ears twisting this way and that, listening for signs of danger as you held your breath from your somewhat hidden position behind a thickly barked tree. When all was as she thought it should be, she resumed her grazing, though you knew by trial and error that she would be more cautious of her surroundings than before. 

It was now or never. 

Aiming the already loaded crossbow, you leaned from around your hiding place and carefully aligned yourself to make the shot. You pulled the trigger soon after, hearing the whirl of the dart as it shot through the air before hitting its target with a dull _thud_. Unfortunately, your aim was too high, and though you had just barely scratched the doe's backside before the dart embedded itself into the nearest tree, it wasn't nearly enough to do anything but scare her away. 

"Shit," you muttered under your breath, lowering the bow and heaving a heavy sigh. "Missed again." 

"Nah, you grazed her, that time," Daryl mused as encouragement, coming up behind you from his observing position. "You're aimin' too high, still." 

"I know, I know. Still trying to get used to shooting this thing," you gave as an excuse, waggling the crossbow in your grip a bit for emphasis. 

Daryl relieved you of his weapon and returned your own, holding the crossbow more surely as he led the way to the tree that held the dart you had fired. 

This was the third week or so you had been going out in the early mornings to hunt with Daryl. After your trial run outside the gates, having sneakily avoided a whole heard of Walkers and downing a small handful that had swarmed you with nothing but your weapon of choice, a long but sturdy, sharpened broom handle, Daryl had deemed you competent enough to hold your own and had personally decided to help you hone your abilities, namely through hunting. 

So far, your quiet sneaking abilities had improved greatly. Your success with crossbow hunting, however, was lacking in more than one area. 

"If we were anywhere near a lake or stream, I'd have the advantage, you know. I'm really good at spearing fish." 

"Bet you ain't as quick as a shot on this," Daryl reminded you, holding up his crossbow for emphasis. 

"Maybe not, but I used to have a whole set of metal skewers that did the trick just fine. I was even able to modify them a bit, put some notches at the point so the fish wouldn't wiggle their way off, gave each of them a bit more length with bamboo sticks for easier throwing. They worked really well." 

You gave the sharpened broom handle in your hand a few good taps against the ground, recalling the time before finding your new home with those at the prison. 

"I only used them for fishing or pinning the occasional snake. With the area we were in, it was more than enough. That was before my group...before they...well, I didn't need my spears much after that. Too bulky to carry." 

You paused as Daryl retrieved his dart from the tree with a firm tug, giving it a quick examination before remounting it to the crossbow and leading the way back towards your current home. You had both already checked the animal traps and reset them accordingly, and though you hadn't made any fresh kills, there were still plenty of opportunities in the future. Besides, there was a small group of wild pigs penned up in the prison that would satisfy everyone's hunger for a few days, not to mention the success of the garden vegetables, so you had plenty of time to get your aim right. 

The walk back was generally spent in a comfortable silence, one you both respected between each other. Sometimes, there was light conversation, though it usually involved things about the prison or about the hunt and improvements you could make on your next time out. 

When Daryl was first to break the silence between you, it was in the form of a question you hadn't really expected to come from him. 

"You don't talk about 'em much, do you? Your group before us." 

You took in a deep breath, rolling the question around in your mind for a short moment. 

"No, I suppose I don't. I guess I just...spent so much time running on my own without needing to talk about it. I didn't think about them often, either; it was pointless at the time, because I never thought I'd see another living being ever again." 

"But you do, now. You think about 'em." 

It was a statement, but you answered as if he had asked. 

"Each and every day. I'd like to think that we'd have eventually found this place with all of you, if things hadn't happened the way they did." 

Silence settled in around you both once more, but it was meant more as a lead-way into the next bout of conversing. There was still a question, unasked but hanging heavily in the air, that you needed to address despite how much it would hurt to pull on that memory. Daryl waited, knowing you would speak when you were ready. 

"There were five of us, including myself," you began quietly, your pace slowing as you recalled your former group. 

"Lloyd was our leader, only because no one else wanted the title and he was more than eager to take it. Jace was like me, quiet on his feat and good with swinging a heavy object at a Walker's head; we were a good team when it came to scavenging. Dustin was the man of direction and had more survival skills than any of us, mainly because he was a boy scout in school." 

Daryl made a disapproving sound at the mention of Dustin's way of acquiring skills, but made no other notion of interrupting. You smiled, nevertheless. 

"Then there was Lucille, though in all my years of knowing her, I always called her Lulu. We'd been best friends since we were five, grew up together, did nearly _everything_ together. Hell, I was her maid of honor at her wedding about three years back. Guess that was the one thing we didn't get to experience as equals." 

You became lost in the memory for a long moment, recalling the soft colors of lavender and pale yellow, a lovely backyard setting, nearly a hundred friends and family all gathered together with big smiles and loud laughter aplenty, before shaking out of your reverie. 

"Her husband didn't make it, unfortunately. He was a great man, one of many who didn't make it out alive. Of our neighborhood, we were the last five to go on. It was difficult at first, but we finally managed to pull ourselves together, and for a while, it was enough. 

"It took me longer than it should have to realize that Lloyd wasn't right in the head. Even Lulu had seen it before me, had gathered an immediate dislike of his personality, but it took me time to see how bad he really was. 

"Being the self-appointed leader that he was, he felt it necessary to demand things of us, to go above and beyond to please him and keep him safe." 

"Sounds like a dick," Daryl commented offhandedly. 

"He was, and it just kept getting worse. He was also extremely paranoid about the Walkers and how safe we really were. Understandable, except he took it to the extreme. He started making us go after Walkers despite him being capable of taking them down. He refused to eat or drink anything he hadn't handled personally. He even picked fights with Jace, claiming he was trying to get us all killed. 

"We ignored it, mostly. After all, life is a sacred thing nowadays. He may have been a dick, but we wouldn't have left him on his own, even if everyone wanted to shoot him. 

"A few days before everything went to hell, Jace started getting sick. It started out as a small cough, but it got worse. Two days later, he could barely move on his own. By then, Dustin was showing symptoms, and so was Lulu. 

"I remembered passing a pharmacy in a town we had gone through that morning and volunteered to go alone, but Lulu refused to leave me by myself. Dustin gave me a small list of medicines we could try, and then we were off. By the time we got there, her coughing had worsened, and by the time we left, she needed help walking a straight line. 

"When we got back, it was to a destroyed campsite. Jace and Dustin had both turned and were after Lloyd. I was the only one in any position to put them down." 

Your voice had started shaking a bit as you recounted the moment, your footsteps having slowed to a stop at some point as the memory continued to play in your head. 

"Must've been hard," Daryl consoled quietly, having stopped with you as you told your story. 

"Much harder than what I did next, I'm reluctant to say," you rasped, a flare of anger rising in your voice. 

"Lloyd had made some half-assed explanation to what happened, something about Jace turning and attacking Dustin. It just...it didn't sound right, but I believed him at the time. 

"We moved camp immediately, about a mile farther down the river we'd been following. It was getting dark, so we had to stop. We needed to stop. Lulu was getting worse, and I needed to get the medications in her before she...before she...." 

You stopped yourself for a moment, recognizing the stutter in your quiet words. It took a few steady breaths to ease yourself into finishing your story. You would not break down here, not now. 

"She made me promise her that if she didn't get better, and I had to continue on without her...she made me promise not to trust Lloyd or anymore of his decisions. She made me promise not to get myself killed by him, and I swore to her that I wouldn't, even if I had it in my head that she would get better. 

"Before I fell asleep that night, and after two doses of a mix of pills, her coughing had almost completely stopped, and her fever had finally broken. When I woke up next, Lloyd had...he killed her. The bastard killed her, said she wasn't worth the wasted meds." 

You gave a small sniffle as you wiped at your damp cheeks, unaware that your tears had found their way out. 

"I didn't even think twice. Lulu was all I had left in this world, and he took that away. So I returned the favor." 

You ended on a bitter note, wiping at your eyes again before continuing your trek back to the prison. The sun was finally lighting the sky with lovely shades of yellow and blue and pink, and it wouldn't be long until the others began to stir from sleep and set about their daily activities. 

Before you could clear the treeline, there was a firm tug on your upper arm that stopped you. You turned, seeing that Daryl was giving you a strange, almost somber look. 

"Do you regret it?" he asked, his voice rough, though not harsh. He was looking you over almost carefully, quite similar to the way he studied animal tracks and the patterns left behind. Careful and calculative. 

"No," you answered with the smallest lilt of a smile, "no, I don't. He was a danger to me, in the end." 

Whatever Daryl had been looking for in your answer, he had either found it or was satisfied enough by your conviction. He gave a small nod of his head as he made to pass you and lead the way once more to home. 

"Then there ain't nothin' to worry about anymore." 

For a man who was fairly simple in conversation, he somehow knew just what to say. 

No more worries, he said. No more worries of the past, is what he meant, because you did what you had to do. You lived because of your decision; you adapted from the hardships and learned how to work alone. Now, you didn't have to. 

Life was precious, and you had found plenty of it right there at the prison. Thanks to Daryl, to Judith and Carl, Carol and Beth; thanks to Rick, you had purpose again, and this time, you wouldn't let anyone take that away from you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the kudos and lovely comments!
> 
> See ya around for the next chapter!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Let me know what you guys thought about this first chapter by leaving me some kudos or dropping a lovely little comment below. Your feedback is greatly appreciated.
> 
> As always, see ya around for the next chapter!


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